Transgender Liberty

  Its Christmas Eve, one year ago I was married (unhappily), my grown kids were visiting and we were making pizzas (yearly tradition). This year I'm alone on XMAS eve, 2 of my kids are working tonight, and the 3rd is spending tonight at his fiancees families. And my Ex is with her new boyfriend. A lot has changed in a year. So I want to talk about that a little and how it ties into living authentically.  First a Quote. There is a character in the 'Expanse' book series named Miller, and he is about to do something brave and possibly a one way ticket, and he is talking to another character who  says something along the lines of 'you are risking your life' and asking him to consider options, and he says "Life IS risk." OK the stage is set... Let me share a few odds and ends and then I'll try to tie this all together.   A week ago I had my first surgery; Thyroid Reduction Chondrolaryngoplasty, also known as Tracheal Shave Surgery, I was excited because it ...

 There is an idea in Quantum physics called superposition. The idea is that any particle can be in many different states.  The state could be DNE, state could be On, Off, and weirdly...both on and off.  Nobel prizes were given this year in physics for discoveries that pretty much affirm that this is happening in our universe.  Back when I was in college I remember taking a computer science course at the University of Oregon and the professor, who I really liked, was talking about  Schrodinger's cat, which is a famous analogy of this very idea. The idea is.. there is a box and you can't see in the box. In the box there is cat, and either its alive, or its dead (I know a bit morbid), based on the state of a radioactive element in the box. BUT... you don't know, and the state of the cat as a consequence is undetermined, UNTIL you look. at that moment it resolves to one or the other.  Now... this is some pretty crazy stuff right? not really.   When I ...

  Aristotle said that nature abhors a vacuum and he wasn't wrong. I was lucky enough to grow up in the northwest, where nature is still wild. We have massive forests here and the people who live here, love them, we steward our forests and govern them too. We recognize the importance of this natural resource and we protect it where we can. Its not perfect here, but I think anyone you ask who lives here would agree that our trees and forests are important to our well being. The ecosystem of a forest is diverse and resilient and silent. And one of the main stars of that ecosystem is the tree. Standing tall, strong, quiet, and alone amongst many.     So What can we learn from a tree that can be applied to our lives? What I cover next I believe can be applied to all peoples lives but because I'm transgender and this is a transgender blog, I'm going to emphasize a bit more on how trees related to being transgender, yet I think everyone who reads this can get something from...

 For me 2025 has been in my top 4 worst times of my life.  Between The United States election and bad decision making on who our leaders should be (rise of Nazi-like fascism in the republican party). Our citizens voting a smoke and mirrors, snake oil salesman and felon, who hung out with the likes of Jeffrey Epstein(Mr Trump) back into office. From SCOTUS no longer being something I trust. To eroding Civil Rights, to AI and corporate greed. To the rich (zuckerberg, bezos, musk, trump family) and many 1% rich avoiding paying any income taxes completely because of our tax laws favor the rich. To the news media becoming a monopoly(see my other posts on this). To many of our leadership in congress and the senate being polarized and NOT acting with moral and ethical integrity towards all our people.  To daylight savings time...which IMO needs to go.  To long dark, cold nights. To all my personal life challenges. To my ex and I deciding to divorce one day after xmas last ...

More than ever in my life I'm trying to find peace. Get to Safe. Feel safe, and in this work I'm doing therapy and trying to find answers. One item I am dealing with is deep deep resentment. Searching for answers and looking for ways to break it down and digest it I found a post from another person dealing with resentment who said "Resentment is the poison you drink everyday hoping the other person will die"  First I don't want anyone to die, yet this carries truth. I think for me the "Hoping the other prerson will die" is probably more like "Resentment is the poison you drink everyday trying to heal the rage, and anger and hurt you feel that was caused by that other persons actions" <SNIP .. a whole lot of deleted resentment evidence here> I deleted 3 paragraphs of me sharing why I resent. It doesn't need to be shared. needless to say I carry a lot of resentment.   So what do we do.... how do we heal ourselves?  I don't have all ...

  I recently watched a PBS documentary " The Grave of a woman Buried as a Vampire | Secrets of the dead-PBS " (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sNkgsG3qPU) And it was fascinated because it just shows how stupid people really are. They are ignorant, fearful, messy, and horrible. It shows how people in a position of power (church, government) can also abuse that power.  Spoilers are following  In the case of the woman, it turns out she was not from the area. she had a genetic issue that probably gave her a RED growth on her bosum and she may have had other problems or particularities.  Because of her differences, it is believed she led a hard life because she was different, she was likely ostracized for being different. AND it is believed this was ultimately used against her to declare her 'Evil' and a vampire!  The culture at the time was heavily Misogynistic which didn't help her (being female). Because physically she was different she was Ostracized, and based...

 This blog entry was hard to write. Its not perfect and want to acknowledge that up front.  I've decided to publish it as is and move on...  --   As an adult I have been living close to 100% full time out in public for a while now and being out in public means that there have been encounters with friends, colleagues, strangers that were awkward, or transphobic, or ignorant, or flat out aggressive.  People are not perfect and communication is not perfect and some people are just malicious in their nature.  And In all cases; friends, colleagues, strangers there will be those occasional moments where something will be said that bothers you or sticks in your head.  For example, I was talking to a friend bout my surgery date and she says to me "Are you sure?" which I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say that from her side the question was coming from a place of concern and caring. Yet this comment, stuck with me and in a sense stunned me...

  Today I woke up 3 am. wide awake. thinking of things I have no control over, my mind has done that a lot lately.  And my life coach tells me that I need to be able to look at these thoughts, recognize them for what they are and let them go to float away down the river. Its a beautiful metaphor and works.   This morning watching the news which I do a little but not too much because its gotten crazy out there. I learned that Zohran Mamdani won NYC mayoral election, over the incumbent and other candidates who were backed by billionaires and by our current Regime (Trump and his minions).  Zohran's acceptance speech was beautiful.  He talked about the people. Not the billionaires, the 1%'ers, but the working people. He talked about NYC being a place of hope, acceptance, welcoming of Immigration and brighter futures for all of us.  And I love that New Your City will continue to be a Shining beacon of Hope and Acceptance for all people!   Zohran a...

Who wants to live forever, when relationship loss is so painful? and how do we go on living, when the loss we suffer, especially the lost of a friendship or a love and even harder a relationship that was both? It can seem unbearable! In this blog I am going to talk generally about loss, all kinds of loss, and then I'm going to focus on recovering from Relationship Loss due to breakup, or divorce.  To start, lets ask the question 'who wants to live forever?' (raises hand) I do! I would love to be immortal for maybe...selfish reasons.   I want to see and do it all. I want to know the outcome of the story.  Well I want to at least live to see us find alien life. That for me would be very confirming of what I think about the universe. That we are not alone, and that we are not unique. That the Universe (maybe even Universes) is a vast place with other living beings in it. Or maybe we are unique... and maybe we realize something greater about how special we all are.... Bu...

These days I'm practicing kindness and gratitude, I'm thinking about how I can be kind and grateful, even when life seems to just be against me.   And with everything going on, all the busyness of our lives, failures, oppression, ignorance, miss information, miss understanding, isolation, state of our health, bills, work pressures, raising kids, divorce/breakups, deaths, losses, opinions, phobias,  and... of course the 'But wait there is more!' we are all facing.  So lets talk about finding Kindness and Gratitude and how they might help with all of it.  It is easy to let life's challenges overwhelm you  and I have touched on strategies on how to NOT allow life to overwhelm you in other blog posts. Yet I'm finding Kindness and Gratitude are two tools in our toolbox that we often overlook. Kindness   First Kindness is great! being kind costs you nothing, it is an infinite currency you can spend to make the universe a better and more loving place. An...

 Being transgender isn't easy, any transgender person can tell you this. The cards are generally stacked against us for many reasons made worse by broadcast studios, Hollywood, streaming services, sensationalized shows, bad press, political manipulation, Religious reasons, Ignorant persecutors, TERFS,  population control tactics, witch hunts, and flat out ignorance and fear mongering. This blog will attempt to explore some of this,  and at the bottom of this blog I'll site some sources for you to continue your education/journey if you so choose.  So where do we start to shed light?  there is so much to cover lets just dive in  Sensationalized Story telling for entertainment and business (Psycho, Monster, Silence of the Lambs, Dalhmer, latest netflix shows - Ed Gaines) First I want to Mention that the broadcast media is becoming a monopoly of only a few companies owning ALL channels of information and entertainment. Not to Mention Brendan Carr (FCC), appoint...

 Getting to Safe.  How do you get to safe? How do I get to Safe?  What does that even mean?  For me getting to Safe is about getting to a place where I know everything is fine and the future is secure economically and more importantly knowing that I can live my life freely without being a burden to others. It also means transitioning in a way where I feel comfortable and safe in my person. Getting to safe is not easy, there are many challenges, passing, funds, safety, health. And getting to safe is made tougher to accomplish by my age,  a recent divorce that shattered my retirement funds,  the fact that I started transition later in life. Getting to safe is also made difficult by the manipulation of people through fear mongering;  The hate groups, transphobic groups such as those J.K. Rowlings is a part of and or associates with secretly and publicly, the political groups (Trump and the extreme anti constitutional people in his camp), religious z...

I want to talk about being transgender, seeking companionship, dating opportunities and coming to peace with being alone. And it is my hope that others, regardless of transgender or not, can find some comfort, maybe confirmation, and peace by what I'm about to say. To start I have no illusions that as a transgender woman, and an older one, that my chances of meeting and bonding with someone is slim. Made more slim by age, sexual orientation, my gender identity, and made more difficult by my lack of a strong social circle. And I have no illusion that for many transgender people this is a tough situation they find themselves in. Not to say dating isn't tough for all of us it is. It is also a telling sign that 60% of marriages end in divorce. Relationships are just @#%% hard.  So where do we start to find someone? the obvious first thought these days is "Hey they got an app for that" mentality, so lets talk briefly about dating apps (And do read my post from Aug 29th for...

  So the president (Frump) has decided to send troops to a United States city which aparently by his words is "War Ravaged" and needs rescuing. https://www.npr.org/2025/09/27/nx-s1-5555381/trump-sending-troops-portland.  This is crazy..it is fascist in its action, and it is so UN-American that  both sides of the political isle should be ashamed. Our leadership is and has failed us. The checks and balances are failing us atm.  If we step back we can see a lot of warning signs. Starting with Corporate monopolies happening regarding the media. We as a nation have seen a consolidation of Media outlets (the news, TV stations etc) from 50 providers, down to 5 and getting smaller. If you don't believe me watch this video Something Worse is happening : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SegPf09WkzQ. What happened to Jimmy Kimble was because an FCC chair threatened indirectly to NOT approve a merger unless Jimmy was taken off the air. ya... its that bad.  If all media ...

    I had a day that makes me think that humanity is a lost cause. Let me explain by setting the stage. From my bedroom I can hear the whoosh of traffic on two nearby highways and more than one night I have lay awake wondering about all the people driving their cars, and motorcycles and trucks by the thousands whooshing by, every second of every day. And I wonder, Where are they going? Why are they up? what are they doing? Whats their life like? Imagining and trying to imagine the infinite and finite lives that pass by my house from a distance, all of them oblivious of my existence or the fact that people are listening to their vehicles as they whoosh by traveling to some destination.  So in all that distant rush of continual traffic the following happened to me today. I woke up this morning, got some coffee and proceeded to catch up with a community I belong too. Flipping through the conversations, one was discussing alcohol and how it generally is bad for your health an...

 When was the last time you walked in the rain? got soaking wet? Choose to actually go out and walk in the rain knowing you would get wet?  This morning I went for a long walk and though there was RISK of rain, I went anyway.  During my walk it started to rain, first as mist, then drops, then full on concert of good Weather in the state I so much love. And.. while walking in the rain I saw very few people. Those I did come across had a smile on their face, or were jogging shirtless, or holding hands with another, or like me just out being a part of the universe. They were out, about, living and like me enjoying the clean air, the solitude, the sound and the quiet all at once. And not afraid to get a little wet!  I thought to myself transition is a lot like walking in the rain.  When you walk in the rain something happens. you realize nature doesn't care, it just IS.  Similarly, Being transgender just is.  Its not an illness, its not contrived, its not ...

  I was watching a you-tuber discuss their transition, and how they started journaling about the decision to do so and realized that in a sense this blog, was my journaling.  And so I want to talk about something, share something I have never addressed. Abuse, bullying and how it sticks with you for life. I also will drop in some random thoughts, things that are tells of my transgenderism.  So I'm going to list every moment I can think of where abuse/bullying happened to me (or happened to someone else and impacted me in ways I don't even know). When we lived in Arkansas a kid beat me up on the playground for being different. Another time at a parents/teachers night my parents inside I was cornered outside in the dark by two older boys, while a 3rd repeatedly punched me in the gut.  I was corporal punished by my teachers, taken into a backroom and spanked with a wooden paddle for not following instructions properly. I wanted to be with the girls, and didn't follow in...

  I was watching an interview with Kevin Smith, and he talked about a life lesson that he now carries with him and shares with others when ever he can and it goes like this. "You must be unreasonable to achieve your dreams"  Think about this from the angle of being transgender. Everyone wants to have a say, wants to tell you what you can and can't do, wants to say you are mistaken, confused, wrong, sick even. Or that you are on the autistic spectrum and so have confused yourself, and susceptible to coming to a false conclusion (This is the latest #@T% @#%#% the TERFs and GCs are welding. Laughable, no science, bull sh#t, made up, garbage.  But lets step back to what Kevin is talking about, and ignore the haters, and the critics, and the mind controlling f#cks.  "You must be unreasonable to achieve your dreams"  He also spoke it another way: "Carry/Have a reasonable amount of un-reasonability" Wow....  ok...  how do we unpack this? For me this means tha...

  I've always been haunted that I would be alone.  When I was young I watched the movie "12 Monkeys" and totally got it, these characters trapped in this crazy loop of time, destiny, and inability to change what was to be. Fate.  I have experienced a similar feeling of fate. When I was very young I was in the military, living in a cheap downstairs, apartment with my wife at the time. upstairs there were two people and I could hear them moving around, vaguely talking, muffled through my ceiling, their floor and the entire time... I lived there I never met them once. Not once, not a glimpse.  And my imagination took charge and the idea came into my head that this was also me, and someone else...many many many years from that day, living upstairs. Ya weird right...  I have never been able to fully shake that thought. I know its crazy. I know its not true, but there is a part of me, that feeling, that thought, that the person that was up stairs was me. In the Star T...