Transgender Liberty

  So the president (Frump) has decided to send troops to a United States city which aparently by his words is "War Ravaged" and needs rescuing. https://www.npr.org/2025/09/27/nx-s1-5555381/trump-sending-troops-portland.  This is crazy..it is fascist in its action, and it is so UN-American that  both sides of the political isle should be ashamed. Our leadership is and has failed us. The checks and balances are failing us atm.  If we step back we can see a lot of warning signs. Starting with Corporate monopolies happening regarding the media. We as a nation have seen a consolidation of Media outlets (the news, TV stations etc) from 50 providers, down to 5 and getting smaller. If you don't believe me watch this video Something Worse is happening : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SegPf09WkzQ. What happened to Jimmy Kimble was because an FCC chair threatened indirectly to NOT approve a merger unless Jimmy was taken off the air. ya... its that bad.  If all media ...

    I had a day that makes me think that humanity is a lost cause. Let me explain by setting the stage. From my bedroom I can hear the whoosh of traffic on two nearby highways and more than one night I have lay awake wondering about all the people driving their cars, and motorcycles and trucks by the thousands whooshing by, every second of every day. And I wonder, Where are they going? Why are they up? what are they doing? Whats their life like? Imagining and trying to imagine the infinite and finite lives that pass by my house from a distance, all of them oblivious of my existence or the fact that people are listening to their vehicles as they whoosh by traveling to some destination.  So in all that distant rush of continual traffic the following happened to me today. I woke up this morning, got some coffee and proceeded to catch up with a community I belong too. Flipping through the conversations, one was discussing alcohol and how it generally is bad for your health an...

 When was the last time you walked in the rain? got soaking wet? Choose to actually go out and walk in the rain knowing you would get wet?  This morning I went for a long walk and though there was RISK of rain, I went anyway.  During my walk it started to rain, first as mist, then drops, then full on concert of good Weather in the state I so much love. And.. while walking in the rain I saw very few people. Those I did come across had a smile on their face, or were jogging shirtless, or holding hands with another, or like me just out being a part of the universe. They were out, about, living and like me enjoying the clean air, the solitude, the sound and the quiet all at once. And not afraid to get a little wet!  I thought to myself transition is a lot like walking in the rain.  When you walk in the rain something happens. you realize nature doesn't care, it just IS.  Similarly, Being transgender just is.  Its not an illness, its not contrived, its not ...

  I was watching a you-tuber discuss their transition, and how they started journaling about the decision to do so and realized that in a sense this blog, was my journaling.  And so I want to talk about something, share something I have never addressed. Abuse, bullying and how it sticks with you for life. I also will drop in some random thoughts, things that are tells of my transgenderism.  So I'm going to list every moment I can think of where abuse/bullying happened to me (or happened to someone else and impacted me in ways I don't even know). When we lived in Arkansas a kid beat me up on the playground for being different. Another time at a parents/teachers night my parents inside I was cornered outside in the dark by two older boys, while a 3rd repeatedly punched me in the gut.  I was corporal punished by my teachers, taken into a backroom and spanked with a wooden paddle for not following instructions properly. I wanted to be with the girls, and didn't follow in...

  I was watching an interview with Kevin Smith, and he talked about a life lesson that he now carries with him and shares with others when ever he can and it goes like this. "You must be unreasonable to achieve your dreams"  Think about this from the angle of being transgender. Everyone wants to have a say, wants to tell you what you can and can't do, wants to say you are mistaken, confused, wrong, sick even. Or that you are on the autistic spectrum and so have confused yourself, and susceptible to coming to a false conclusion (This is the latest #@T% @#%#% the TERFs and GCs are welding. Laughable, no science, bull sh#t, made up, garbage.  But lets step back to what Kevin is talking about, and ignore the haters, and the critics, and the mind controlling f#cks.  "You must be unreasonable to achieve your dreams"  He also spoke it another way: "Carry/Have a reasonable amount of un-reasonability" Wow....  ok...  how do we unpack this? For me this means tha...

  I've always been haunted that I would be alone.  When I was young I watched the movie "12 Monkeys" and totally got it, these characters trapped in this crazy loop of time, destiny, and inability to change what was to be. Fate.  I have experienced a similar feeling of fate. When I was very young I was in the military, living in a cheap downstairs, apartment with my wife at the time. upstairs there were two people and I could hear them moving around, vaguely talking, muffled through my ceiling, their floor and the entire time... I lived there I never met them once. Not once, not a glimpse.  And my imagination took charge and the idea came into my head that this was also me, and someone else...many many many years from that day, living upstairs. Ya weird right...  I have never been able to fully shake that thought. I know its crazy. I know its not true, but there is a part of me, that feeling, that thought, that the person that was up stairs was me. In the Star T...

  So.... this has bothered me for a while...  Here is the scenario.  I'm on reddit and someone with a random name posts a seemingly innocent question like "Hi I'm 13 and..." "Why do all cis people do x" "I'm glad x, y, z did ABC ....   And...these questions usually come from accounts that are newer or have profiles that lack any history of posts, comments, and/or details. These are RED FLAGS PEOPLE!!!!! Wholly sh$t! Here is why. (and read everything) Words are important, and in this political climate they can be used and twisted if not careful. The saying "Don't give your enemy(oppressors) words that can be used against you" is real. One Example, responding to that alleged 13 year old, reddior whose profile is new and whose post starts with "hi my parents suck, and I'm 13 and..."  should be treated with a lot of care and caution. The saying "The path to hell is paved with good intentions" is real. I get it...you...

  So this is a special post...  I tried a dating app... and my experience was bad, except for the one exception of someone I really connected with. Yet Bad regarding the app.....Oh for so many reasons which I will go over after my share... yet first I have something important I want to say and its also a shout out to a person I met who in a sense gave me hope.  I met someone in Seattle through a dating app (ya I gave one a try) Their name Meghan. She has her PHD degree, lives a few hours from me, exceptional human being. We are practically the same age, same interests, educated, see eye to eye on politics, religion, same career backgrounds. A lot of the same likes, hobbies, interests. We just have a lot in common. They had one picture that I got to see of them and I found them attractive. Thinking...'ok... so this is going well.' We interacted for days, mornings and evenings...  in chat, going back and forth asking questions and giving answers and all that early dati...

    1440.......  What is it?  Is it, a police code? a military time of day? a clever l337 hacker number? a drug culture reference?, something the ancient aliens left behind?, or something else entirely? A friend of mine who passed away and whom I think of often, used to say.. '<my dead name>...  There are only so many minutes in a day... 1440 of them and we should use them wisely!"  I loved that.  My friend and father in law to my then wife, was smart, kind, warm, and accepting, and honestly a good F#cking friend.  One time.. .and I wasn't out yet,  they said to me "I saw this person getting out of their car.... they are clearly transgender and strugglig' and he paused as if to see what my reaction would be to that and then he continued, 'and I know their life must not be easy and how difficult some of their challenges must be. Can you image what they must be going through?" and I agreed with him, he was pretty intuitive and had good in...

 Movie Spoilers for 'Blade Runner', if you haven't seen this movie. Stop, go watch it now! :)  =============== One of my favorite movies of all time "Blade Runner" has an incredibly deep scene where in the final moment, we see the pain and humanity and anguish in someone (a replicant played by Rutger Hauer) who has been deemed less than human, demonized, diminished, and reduced to a thing. when in all reality they are living brighter and more human than human.  IMO, one of Rutger Hauer and Harrison Fords best scenes ever!    I think about that scene often, what it means to be human, to be treated as "less than Human", to know and be a conscious observer of the universe and a flicker of flame in a moment in time, to then be lost in the currents of time and to know your time is up.  I am deeply moved every-time I watch and observe this moment. Not only for my empathy towards this character in his final moments but also for the loss...and fleetingnes...

  My ex (when we were married) and I used to love the old seasonal tv special " Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys "    yet we'd acknowledge that there were some hidden messages this show was trying to teach audiences, the obvious being First Rudolph is born different Second there is an elf that, doesn't want to be a toy maker, but ( quoting my fingers here in the air ) wants to be a "Dentist". And then there is this place called "the Island of Misfit Toys"   All of these crafted analogies clearly was the networks way of addressing being "different" and their message to the viewers; " It is OK to be different, in fact its a super power and we should not fear it"   So how does this relate to my journey and maybe yours.   Before my ex asked for a divorce we would watch and laugh because it just showed some of the history of how uncomfortable and uptight America is with sexual orientation, not to be confus...

Trigger warning..  I almost quit my transition(this would be the 3rd time).  My wanting to quit has been coupled with my divorce grieving. I went through a divorce this year and I miss my ex. I admit it. Its been rough without her. We are friends but I can't stand to listen to her talk about the man (the human person) that replaced me. And I want nothing to do with him at this time because I'm not ready to see my replacement.  I'm angry, hurt and feel abandoned.  And to be real my marriage was rocky, I did a lot outside of being transgender that was not fair to my partner, so ya I take responsibility for ALL of that. And...we had great times but there is much that wasn't so great. Robert Frost says "we love the things for what they are, not for what they ought to be" Our marriage failed that test. I wasn't accepted and was expected to be a CIS male only. Once that was not a truth, my marriage was over. I wish it had been different but that's a reality....

 I grew up in a place that was a melting pot of two ideologies, one side highly liberal, because of the university near by and the other side highly conservative, and driven by the main working industry, Timber. The side of town I lived in was round 50k people, and main street consisted of bars, pool halls, and strip clubs and full of bullies, was a tougher town, w a drug culture and lots of drinking. Growing up there was no such thing as "Transgender", I had never heard of "Trans..anything, and Gay and Lesbian wasn't even a word... though thinking back there were rumors. And my personal experiences... I was awkward growing up... with 3 siblings, a mother who was a good loving mom yet a quiet working and functional alcoholic because of trauma in her childhood. My dad, a loving father, protective, and a good man who had done much in his life. With pictures of him in life magazine as well as pictures of him in an encyclopedia as part of an organization his adoptive fat...

Thomas Covey has a rule. "Win Win" the idea is that for anything; any negotiation, discussion, argument, social change, the goal is to seek "Win Win" not "Win Lose", or worse "Lose Lose". The goal is that if we work together we ALL can win.  Life isn't a football game, it isn't red team versus blue team, it isn't them and us. Yet there are forces that seek to pit us against each other, to stir the pot, to keep us ALL living in fear, to keep us divided. The news does it, politicians do it, and religious forces can also do it. All of these forces generally resort to using Fear to control people. In Frank Herbert's book "Dune" there is a moment where Paul (a character) chants "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer..I will fear no fear"  something like that.. paraphrased here, he is not wrong. I use this all the time, especially when facing a decision or something difficult I have to do.  So how do we address th...

My first blog post. I like to think this post is a little like attempting a first contact. First contact I would imagine would start with a question "Is anyone out there, anyone listening?" And ya.... I do believe we are not alone. So... going with that loose analogy I've decided to put thoughts and observations, my ideas out into the universe from the standpoint of my life as a human, and more specifically as a transgender woman. And since this is my first post let me share a little about myself, an introduction if you will. I am an older Transgender Woman, in process of transitioning.  I have an older brother and sister and a younger brother, I am single, divorced,  I have 3 kids all grown (well mostly),  I have an Ex who I am friends with, I work in the high tech sector, I read wide and deep, similarly I listen to and enjoy all kinds of music. I love animals and nature, hiking and quiet too. I am a human, fallible, I have feelings, I bleed red like we all d...