Whats wrong with being single, alone? Friend Counts, Social Media, Mental health

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This post isn't about a rule per se but really about the reality of our existence and the honest truth of what "Friends" and number of friends, aka "Friend Counts" really should mean. 

Whether you have 2 friends in your life or you have 1000 isn't the point nor should it be unless you are trying to validate something about yourself that is missing or you are trying to monetize or weaponize a group. 

From a mathematical and facts model, there are currently around 8.6 Billion people on the earth, your friend count whether its 6 or 6000 is insignificant and ultimately meaningless. Even 100,000 friends is 0.001% of humanity. The math doesn't scale in a way that gives the number any cosmic weight. Whether you have 6 or 6,000 connections, you're a rounding error against 8.6 billion. 

Additionally unless you are going to contribute something timeless (a Newton, or an Einstein or a Bach, or a Davinci, you'll be forgotten days, months, maybe a few decades after your death. Thats as good as it gets. 

AND so.......the significance of friendship isn't additive — it's relational. 

What do I mean?

There are countless studies of people who have many connections but are so unhappy they ultimately end it. suicide. Why? because Count doesn't mean quality, nor does it mean happiness. 

You can be at a crowded party or in a room of hundreds that you know and still be lonely.

Ultimately, connection is not about how many people know you exist; it's about whether a few people know you deeply and genuinely, and whether you know them the same way. 

Kurt Cobain, committed suicide. I never understood Kurt as a person when he was living and his music was on the air. And I didn't know him personally.... and I didn't know his life I just know that he was wildly popular and his voice was on the radio a lot. Recently I heard a quote that he said


"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not"

                                                                                                - Kurt Cobain

Ya I get that.


So what does this have to do with friend count? likes? 

A lot really. 

An acquaintance of mine saw that I had created a social media account. I hadn't had one in years because to be real I was in hibernation, incubation, hiding, trying to figure out HOW to transition.

And they said something along the lines of "Am I your only friend?" They were serious. I laughed and said. "I don't think you understand, I haven't been on social media for years, for all of the reasons you know about me. I'm like the flower, emerging from the ground, this is my spring". 

I think I handled that well. Yet it was very telling the unawareness and insensitivity they had for me, of what is going on with me and my world. And I wonder looking back... how they were possibly weighing my value and success by how they perceived my social game through friend count.

Ya... I have like a few family members (including children) and a few people I work with, and a friend I write back and forth with and do lunch with. Thats it. Thats my circle at the moment. Do I want more intimacy? of course, do I want it at the cost of my self?, my personal space?, my independence? F no. 

A person with 6 people who actually show up, who hold your real story, who you trust with your actual self — that's structurally different from having 1,000 acquaintances who know a surface version of you; the fake Facebook, Instagram look at me, you.

So like Kurt I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not.  I'll stand by that and I'm happy about it. 




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