The Wasp And Fighting For Existence

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About 7 years ago I was with my partner and my son... and we were out. Summer, exploring new trails in the deep woods and just being a family...living...getting out of the house. Finding fresh air and enjoying the weather and the quiet and I suppose each other. Being good people.

Then it happened.

A really large aggressive bug... some kind of hornet or wasp...started buzzing and attacking my son, my son was little,  so I swatted at it with my hands to get it off my kid and then it started attacking me. I backed away and it would not leave me alone. I was locked on and targeted. LOL Terminator bug. 

And keep in mind we are on a trail in the woods and this trail went on for miles. 

So I ran ahead on the trail thinking, its a bug it will buzz off...it would give up and then fly away. It didn't.....

so I ran and ran and ran, and every time I paused and turned around..this crazy insect would eventually catch up. WTF like it would not give up. and I had fear that it would sting me and stunned amazement that this thing had it out for me. Mindlessly had it out for me haha. 

So I ran. and I ran some more and I ran till I couldn't anymore, heart racing, legs giving out, out of breath and something snapped and I Said Fuck it and I stopped running, turned around and looked for something I could fight it with. Tall grass, a twig...a pine cone.. nothing...

Thinking.....I took one of my shoes off and used it as a paddle and I waited. and yup in time it came out of the shade...down the path buzzing along (you could hear it) and it came STRAIGHT AT ME. I was tired of running.... so I fought..... I swung. 

I heard the connect, that THUNK like a tennis ball being hit and I saw something go flying into the bushes. Got em!

And I Sat there panting. out of breathe, covered in sweat and stunned with amazement that; one I hit it, and two that this insect would not give up. I must have ran a quarter mile or more. 

So why am I sharing this???

My life I spent a lot of time blending in, hiding, coping with abuse, pretending, making mistakes, losing friends and partners, failing people I care about, failing myself,  living in fear, being angry but bottling it up, walling that up, and then tucking that away deep. 

The wasp/bug/thing was in that moment when I could not hide, I could not run anymore and I realized I had to stand my ground and fight and do something. It was "Inevitable".

Inevitable.... 

Transition is like this. It becomes a moment of live or die. A life of regret or a life well lived. 

If you read my prior blogs I talk about people not accepting you (me in this case). wanting proof literally saying they need to be convinced. WTF! And as a result the relationship died right then and there. Because it is the relationship or me. and I choose me! 

yet...if I could....I would say to them now "WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO????? Would you be more happy if I just shut the f up and lived a miserable life? Died? committed suicide? Don't you understand that once you see a truth you cannot unsee it?"

So.... there it is. I live my life the best I can. I have made mistakes. no doubt. Yet I am trying so hard to be authentic, to live authentically even if it means I live alone.  I'd rather do that than lie to myself or anyone I care about.  And to be real, those that don't accept me (or you), well thats is THEIR problem. Not mine and not yours. 


Prologue Note: Regarding Trolls, Chodes, Bigots, Transphobes

I realized after writing this.. that the wasp/bug/thing also represents haters, trolls, organizations that would deny me my existence. you know the Charlie Kirks and Heritage Foundations of the world who would send me to a camp, or worse.... Those forces that are coming at me and all transgender people...that are not giving up and working tirelessly to remove transgender (minority group) rights to exist.

Chodes, Transphobic Bigots, Haters, Intolerant Trolls, Nationalist Fascist are like the single minded bug. using 1/2 truths, and weaponizing bible segments, to serve their bias (called confirmation bias sickness) without ever reading the bible or seeing the bigger truth of love and acceptance in the bible. They generally are single minded and irrational, focusing on bizarre topics like bathrooms, and sports, and genitals, and prostates. and btw women have prostates too, just called a Skene gland (same thing) I'll do a blog on that soon.

And like the wasp, the drone, the bug they aren't going away. So...they have to be faced and their hate, bigotry and ignorance confronted. Trolls hate the light and they hate being shown they are wrong. Truth and Reason always beats things made from lies and fear. Truth, Fact, Reason is the Shoe to their bigotry.





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