What do you fill your heart with?

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Many of us are struggling. Cisgender, transgender, it doesn't matter.

There's an old story about two wolves that live inside each of us. One is fed by anger, hate, and fear. The other is fed by love, kindness, and hope. Whichever one you feed is the one that grows. Lately I've learned something the story doesn't say out loud: the angry wolf doesn't just grow. If you keep feeding it, it will consume you.

And what exactly does that mean?

Well, it means this: I'm recovering from surgery, mostly bedridden, and wondering what to do with my time. Read books, watch shows, sleep… and scroll social media.

So what do I fill my time with? Do I fill it with hate, anger, dissatisfaction, and disgust? With thoughts of revenge against those I feel have hurt me, trespassed against me, abandoned me, or given up on me? Do I inundate myself with political memes, colorful two-sentence posters, and AI-generated images of angry, disgusting scenes, all designed to stir my emotions and get some kind of reaction out of me?

The other day I wasn't feeling good. Seriously not feeling good. Like, wanting-to-be-done not feeling good.

(If you're in that place right now, please reach out. You can call or text 988, or call Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860. You don't have to sit in it alone.)

But when I stepped back and used my logical mind to look at everything I've been through, I saw it: I've had three surgeries in the last twelve months. been through A LOT of personal relationship losses too. I work full time, and transition is not without costs... Imagine that. I hadn't given myself enough slack, enough self-care, to realize that I'm exhausted because I've gone so far, so fast, and taken my body (and mind) to the edge of what it can endure.

I also realized that social media had gotten into my head once again: all the anger, all the hate, all the bad things happening, all the fearmongers, all the people wanting attention, pointing fingers, or just wanting me stirred up and upset. And I had let other people plant thoughts in my head for me to dwell on. I won't go into detail, but you know how it is. Someone says something, and it sits in your mind and incubates, because what they really did was plant something toxic and mean.

So here I am at home, playing Final Fantasy XIV and following Mide's story, a story about love and loss, about aching for that love again and the desire to reclaim something that can never be reclaimed. And I thought, wow, what a beautiful story. This is the kind of thing I need in my head, not all that other stuff.

Then I realized what I'd been doing lately: posting and reposting noise, hate, anger, and disgust. Injustices. News that was upsetting, and rightly so, because it is upsetting. What I was trying to do was make people aware of what's going on, because it feels like nobody knows. Which is funny, really, because more than ever, everyone knows what everyone else is doing (kind of). Yet at the same time, we're more isolated and vulnerable than ever.

So I'm writing this because, you know, there's a saying: Be like Dolly. Dolly Parton, who we lost this year (2026), was kind, loving, and inclusive, a champion of love, diversity, goodness, and doing the right thing. Of just being nice to everyone around you, because it costs you nothing. And I realized that's what I should be posting: things with positive energy, things that build people up, things that support a better world, the world I want to live in.

So yes, this is about what you feed your heart. What do you feed your mind? They say that, nutritionally, you are what you eat. I think that's just as true for your mental well-being. Your outlook is shaped by what you feed it, by what you allow into your mind. Your mind is your most valuable asset. Protect it. Guard what you feed it. And if you do have to feed it dark material, understand why: so you have a complete picture of what's going on. Nothing more, nothing less.

Which wolf are you feeding? What do you feed your heart with?

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